I am a student in a well known boarding school. My dad was very proud of me when I was selected to be in that school. Two years ago, my parents started having marital problems. My father would often visit me in the hostel and tell me about my mother’s affairs. My mother was also distressed; she was always crying and talking about suicide.

I don’t know who to believe.

I then met a new friend in school. She said that she wanted to quit but her parents would not allow her to. Then, one night, she asked me whether I want to run away from school. I just said yes. We went to her grandmother’s house, which was eight hours away by bus.

My friend’s grandmother then called my parents who came to get me. I was suspended for two weeks, and the school warned that I’d be expelled if I break the school rule again.

It has been two years since that incident, and I have to tried to be a model student. But I don’t think the teachers like me, and I don’t get along with the other students. I often hear people saying bad things about me.

I want to go to a new school, and start all over again. But my dad would not allow me to quit no matter how often I plead. He would give me everything as long as I stay in that school.

Then, one day I was in a clinic waiting for my turn. I had a long wait ahead of me when I saw a taxi in the compound. I got into the taxi, and went to the bus station and took a bus home. It just happened.

When I was in the bus, I was crying but I just could not turn back.

I am home now. Dad is not talking to me. I just don’t know what to do. — Unhappy Girl

Faridah
Things are pretty complicated at home now, arent’ they? When parents go through marital problems, the children can feel powerless. The world you know can feel like it’s spinning out of control and the foundation of your life is shaken.

What is clear is that you are not happy at the boarding school. Have you considered that the reason why your father is so set on you being in that school is that beyond it just being a great school, he doesn’t want you to be exposed to or witness the problems he and your mother are going through? He is trying to protect you and he believes that being away in a safe and stable environment will ensure that you will be able to concentrate on your studies.

What is also clear is that your father loves you a great deal but he is human and your being expelled from school now puts him in a difficult position.

You need to understand this and be patient until he gets over his frustration. Staying at home everyday under these circumstances is not going to be healthy for your emotions and state of mind. You need to enroll in school as soon as possible.

As for your parents’ problems, there is little you can do but wait it out. They are adults and they will have to work it out for themselves. Just understand that sometimes two people who were previously in love can fall out of love and that relationships can go badly wrong.

Sometimes the healthiest thing for them to do is to separate so they can both be better people minus the anger and the pain. It doesn’t make either of them a bad person, and it certainly doesn’t mean they don’t love you.

When the dust settles (as it surely will), if your parents separate or divorce, be there for both of them. Try not to judge them too harshly and love them. Trust that things will work out and trust that you will be ok. What is important is for you to have someone you can talk to about what you’re going through – so you need to find that person who can be your anchor. It will make a big difference.

Shaiful
Your parents must surely place a lot of hope in you, and trust you because they confide in you.

Although you must surely be stressed out with your problems in school, your family situation leaves you with no choice but to grow up quickly for their sake. You have to be more mature mentally and emotionally to deal with the upheavals in your family.

You should also pay less attention to the hateful voices, and start giving more of your time to the people who truly care about your well-being, especially your family.

You might want to consider going back to school and face your demons head-on, as running away from your problems will only make things worse. Since your school is a highly-rated one, they would most probably have a trained counsellor to help you with your problems.

By doing that, you would not only be a step closer to solving your own issues, but also on the way to lessening your parents’ troubles.