I met M at a Chinese New Year gathering this year. He then added me on Facebook and asked for my contact number, which I gave to him. We started to chat and got to know each other better and started dating after four months.

Now, everyone around me is telling me that M is an irresponsible guy. They asked me to leave him.

Before this relationship, I was with T but he left me last December. He was the who one wanted to break up and that really hurt me. I tried to get him back but it didn’t work. He told me that he broke up with me because he doesn’t love me anymore.

Now, I found out that it is not true. His friend told me that the main reason is because he was tied up with his family commitments and studies. He left me because he didn’t want me to suffer with him.

I am feeling lost. Should I wait for T and give up on M? – Lost

Faridah
The idea of “waiting” for someone is very romantic and dramatic and works well in movies, but it doesn’t really work in real life.

Do you honestly believe T’s excuse of “family commitments” to break up and not have you “suffer” with him? If those were his main reasons, don’t you think it would have been more responsible of him to tell you directly and if he really cared, to find a way in which you could have both worked this out?

If you really need to know the answer, you can ask him, but my advice is you will only be giving him a second chance to hurt you. We would all like to have clear answers for confusing situations but we don’t always get the answers we need, and we have to move on. As for whether M is irresponsible or not, do you know why your friends are saying he is irresponsible? Irresponsible is a big word so it’s important for you to find out exactly what they mean. You also need to be honest with yourself if there are instances when he has been that way with you?

Ultimately, if he is your boyfriend, only you can decide if he is the guy for you. The important thing is not to rush into relationships because we are afraid of being lonely and need someone to hang on to.

Shaiful
Why does everyone keep asking you to leave M? Has he indicated in any way that he is nearly as irresponsible as people say he is? It is unfair to M if you were to break up with him just because a few people are not happy about the two of you being together.

Assuming that you met M at an event attended by family and friends, and the fact that you two got to know each other first before jumping into a relationship is quite a good sign.

You have obviously already moved on from T by getting together with M. Forget about old flames and focus on your current relationship.

You need to get to decide for yourself if he is responsible, and is the right person for you, and not let others be the judge of your relationship.