I sent a letter last time about having an imaginary boyfriend. Both of you gave such good comments and advise for me to solve my problem but I realised that the more I try to solve it, the harder it gets.

Trying to forget that “boyfriend” of mine has made me feel more appreciative of the reality of things, but it also made me feel lonelier.

I want to fix this once and for all. This is my last year in school and I don’t want it to be a bad experience in my life. I want to grow up knowing that my childhood and teenage years were the happiest part of my life but it’s not really like that any more.

It is not that I am completely invisible among my friends in class but they just won’t warm up to me. It has come to a point where no one wants to sit with me when the teacher starts telling us to do group discussions.

I am sitting for my SPM this year and I need friends who can help me with my studies but no matter how hard I try to strike a conversation with someone it just becomes awkward. I also tried “letting go” but nothing happened. Now I feel so foreign to my own school and my own close friends. Whenever they are in a bad mood or in trouble I would be there for them but when I try to express how I feel they would just change the conversation back to themselves.

I am sick of everyone in my school and I have this deep feeling of hatred towards my class and my friends. The only reason I am attending school right now is because I wanted to study and get far away from this country. Sounds exaggerated but that is honestly how I feel and I don’t like it.

I hate myself for hating my friends, I feel so weak and hopeless. I have no one to turn to now and it is really making me feel alienated from the world. I don’t know if you are willing to share your advice again. If you do it would really make me feel a lot less lost than I am right now. — Darkened Girl

Meet new people

I remember your letter and how you said that an imaginary boyfriend comforts you. As with any break-up in real life, a break-up with an imaginary boyfriend whom you’ve grown so attached to can be just as hard. Some loneliness is to be expected. But it is for the better that you are currently feeling a little more grounded in the physical world. A robust imagination is a good thing, but not if you become a slave to it and it prevents you from living fully.

Friends can sometimes be disappointing, and it is up to us if we want to put up with that or not. Your friends aren’t bad people, but they aren’t going out of their way to make you feel warm and included either. Why is that? Have you tried to find out? Is it you or is it them?

Having an honest and sincere conversation with them will help you understand the reasons for their behavior and perhaps clue you in on something you might have missed.

The good thing about high school is that it’s transient, and once you leave, you don’t have to look back. But your dissatisfaction with your loneliness needs to be dealt with because it’s one of those things that won’t stop bothering you until it is.

Perhaps try casting your social net a little wider beyond your classmates so you can meet new people and start afresh. Seek out groups of people that you have something in common with, who share your enthusiasm and your warmth. Don’t give up on humanity just yet! What’s worth it isn’t always easy to find. — Su Ann

Focus on the future

Hi Darkened Girl, it’s great hearing from you again. Secondary school can be a cruel place. Friendships change, and cliques make it hard to form relationships. The reality of this should make you shift your expectations, that your last year will be a happy one. So, look at it as a year of strength where you drew inspiration and perseverance, deep from within.

Think of this year as the one where you learn about stamina, and pushing on despite the difficulties you face. Take it day by day. A year may seem long, but break it up into days and weeks, focus on your growth through the odds, and you’ll get by. Once you reach university, you’ll be in a bigger arena, and you can be sure that you’ll find a circle of friends that you can get along with.

With minimal or no study help from your friends, you’ll have to be disciplined and focused to go through it on your own. Ask lots of questions during or after class to teachers or anyone willing to help. Try offering to help your classmates – perhaps an exchange of notes will help soften their hearts. If they know you can help them, hopefully they will return the favour. They might not be instant friends as a result, but focus on the task.

If they don’t want to hang out with you, just approach them with the purpose of exchanging notes or tips to study. Consider external tuition groups – perhaps you can gain friends here with the added benefit of getting study help through a tutor. Use this time to be close to your parents.

They might not be your first choice for a friendship, but give it a shot. They could turn out to be more understanding than your classmates.

This is a very tough situation to be in. But you’ll get through it. Look positively at this phase in your life. In the real world, there will be a time when you’ll have to face things alone. It’s about survival skills. Where you are now in your life is a training ground to learn those skills. — Rusyan