I AM 13 this year and just entered secondary school. There are 11 classes in each form in my school and I am in the 1st class.

Unfortunately, one of the classes had to be shut down because there aren’t enough teachers. So, the students from that class were then moved to various other classes; 11 new students came to my class.

Two of them are now sitting in front of me and my best friend. The girl, A, who sits in front of my best friend, looks and acts super nice to all of us but it seems that is all on the surface.

During exam week, A sat behind me. When my best friend and I went out of the class to look for something, I found out that A had sat at my desk and went through every single item in my bag. She checked all my books and came across my school diary (each student is required to keep one), and found a piece of paper sticking out from it.

On that paper I wrote poems and stuff about a guy I like, whose name was also written on it! She read that piece of paper and passed it around in class for everyone to read it too. When I came back to class with my best friend, everyone had known what I had written, even the guy that I liked!
I started crying at recess because I was embarrassed that everyone had known my secret.

These days A does not hang out with me and my other friends anymore and when they asked her why, she said that it was because I am a ***ch.

I feel terrible because of all this. Maybe it was my fault for writing all of those silly things in my school diary, but I never meant for anyone to read them. I am frustrated that it happened and worried that it might affect my studies. My parents don’t know about this incident at all, and will get really upset with me if my grades were to slip. — Crying

Not your fault

It is not your fault that someone you barely know decided to pry and snoop into your personal life. We can be as vigilant as possible over our personal belongings and private diaries, but not all people around us have good intentions or respect other people’s privacy. So don’t take the weight of this incident upon your conscience.

What happened to you was unfortunate and embarassing, but the one who did wrong by anyone was A. Your classmates, friends, the boy you like, and even A, all know that you didn’t do anything wrong by writing about your feelings in a personal diary. What matters is that you realise and believe that as well, and not allow this incident to disrupt your life further in any way.

You have good friends who care for you and stood by you. You don’t need A or her friends to hang out with you – you have better friends! And you most certainly don’t need to let this affect your studies or your feelings anymore.

A’s actions were unkind, but you have to be the bigger person in this situation and not sink to her level by harbouring unkind thoughts. This was a painful lesson, but look at all painful lessons as an opportunity to learn about human nature and what to protect yourself from in the future. Be civil and kind to A even in the face of this situation, and perhaps you can also help her learn a thing or two about being good. — Su Ann

Stay close to good friends

What A did was wrong, and she made it worse by labelling you something you’re not. This will fade. Take the lessons from it, and move on.

Even though it’s not your fault, think about keeping private belongings at home. It’s safer there, away from nosy classmates. A has spread the word that you’re a bad person – this can be a good thing. It lets you see who in your class is easily persuaded by gossip, and identifies friends who come to your defense.

Stressful situations can strengthen the bonds you have, since good friends will be there for you if something like this happens. Stay close to these friends, and remember to be there for them if they’re in a tough spot too.

Things like this happen in life. It’s important to go through them and learn how to handle it. See the good things that can arise from bad situations. Whatmatters here is accepting that it has happened, and reacting positively from it.

Focus on your studies – if you can excel through these troubles, then you’ll be mentally tough to take on more in the future. Don’t dwell on what has happened. Dust your self off, keep your head up and surround yourself with good people. Stay positive and you’ll get through your troubles in no time. — Rusyan