I am 17 this year and will be sitting for my SPM exam. However, I have been in such a bad mood lately, it’s so hard for me to concentrate on my studies.
I come from a broken family. My parents divorced when I was five, and I have not seen my father since then.

I feel like I have been abandoned by my family, but luckily my friends have been good to me.

A few months ago, I fell in love with one of my friends and I told him about it. He turned me down because he had feelings for another girl, who was going out with someone else.

Shortly after that, he sent me a message asking if I wanted to start a relationship with him. I was very happy at first, but then he started telling all his friends about our “relationship” even before I answered him.

But that’s not even my biggest problem.

Recently, I found out that a girl liked me and the weird thing was, I seem to have a crush on her, too. I’ve started to get real close to her, and seem to have neglected my so-called boyfriend. I am scared of going overboard with this girl crush of mine because I see her in school every day.

I am worried that all this might disrupt my studies. Also, I really don’t want to fall in love with someone who is the same gender as I am! — Worried Sick

Explore yourself

Stress becomes overwhelming when different situations merge into one, making it feel like a bigger, uncontrollable mess. So let’s look at this one by one.

Sometimes, emotions are difficult to define. Explore your self, and these feelings. It’s a matter of knowing your self, and forming your identity.

As for the “boyfriend”, talk to him of your concerns about publicising your relationship. What exactly did you not like about this? Be specific when you talk to him.

It sounds like he’s impulsive – having feelings for another girl, then asking you to be his girlfriend, and telling all his friends about it. Telling him to slow down and include you in these matters might help.

Coming from your family background is tough. But you’re on the right track when you say your friends have been good to you. Unfortunately, you can’t do much about your parents’ situation since it is their issue first and foremost. However, what you can decide is the company you keep.

Surrounding yourself with good friends and role models counts for a lot. Those are the people that you’ll be able to share the good times with, fall back on and guide you when things are tough.

If you aren’t the only child, don’t forget to be there for your siblings too. And as long as the relationship with your mum isn’t toxic, be there for her too.

Use this episode in your life to learn about focus. Life will always have its complications, but find your priorities, and focus on them.

If studies is at the top of your list, learn to keep the distractions away and buckle down for the good grades. Worrying isn’t going to help you achieve your goals. — Rusyan

Be in control

You seem unsure about what to make of the state of your life right now, but that is fine, as we are all prone to feeling confused and helpless from time to time.

However, the danger in such uncertainty lies in being too quick to define tense situations as dramatically unsolvable problems. This often leads to a paralysis of willpower and feeling unnecessarily victimised.

Having divorced and absent parents is unfortunate but it is not your fault. The subsequent feeling of abandonment is hard to deal with, but it has to be overcome if you are to be in control of your life.

You can play your part in healing your family and your hurt by forming a good, strong bond with your mother and ensuring that the both of you know that you have each other.

As for the guy who publicised your “relationship” before you even agreed to one, it could have been a careless oversight on his part due to his excitement.

Nevertheless, this carelessness should not go unaddressed by you, especially if it is causing you grief. Let him know where you stand with this relationship, and whether or not you want to be with him. The girl that you have a crush on also deserves to have an honest conversation with you.

These are feelings that you need to confront with yourself first, before you do so with others. Only you know which of the two you want to be with more, and because other people’s feelings are at stake, you should make your decision sincerely and responsibly.

Remember that you cannot call yourself a victim to your situations if you have a role to play in fixing the problems but choose to ignore it. — Su Ann