AS WE say goodbye to the noughties, it’s time to look ahead and see what the “One-nies” have in store for the world of football.

It’s hard enough trying to predict what’s going to happen in football over the next month, and trying to call an entire decade will be even tougher.I mean last weekend, Manchester City, of all teams, were second in the Premier League, ahead of Chelsea! Boggles the mind. What next? A Latino US president?
So I’m just going to go ahead and predict the decade as I see fit, and maybe you guys can tell me what crazy dreams you have for football at blog.rage.com.my.

Beckham wins 2014 World Cup …

It’s the last minute of the World Cup final in Brazil – England vs Spain. The latter’s captain Cesc Fabregas (who we predict will be with Barcelona then) fouls Emile Heskey, who is once again inexplicably recalled to the England side.

Up steps a 39-year-old David Beckham, an 80th-minute substitute who took over the armband from the wretched Steven Gerrard, whose England jinx continues as he can’t play with his new midfield partner Jack Wilshere.

Beckham curls a glorious free-kick into the top corner from 30 yards out, lifts the Jules Rimet trophy while Victoria Beckham peeks in the stands somehow looking younger than when she was 20 but incapable of showing any emotion in her face apart from her eyes.

… as Malaysia pushes on!

Given their splendid performance against Indonesia (a compliment which does not extend to the juvenile morons in the crowd with the laser pointers) in the first leg of the AFF Suzuki Cup final last Sunday, there’s no reason why this progressive Malaysian Tigers team shouldn’t dream of qualifying for 2014.

The road to Brazil starts mid-2011, and there are four spots available for Asian countries, plus a possible fifth via an inter-continental playoff.

It’s a long, long shot, but a good performance against Indonesia in the second leg of the AFF final tonight would be a good place to start.

Balotelli wins Ballon d’Or

Balotelli will presumably be in AC Milan, and has just won the 2017 Champions League.

But as he accepts his Ballon d’Or trophy (for the European Footballer of the Year), he claims to not know who the runner-up is – Italy teammate Federico Macheda whom he recently terrorised defenses with at Euro 2016 in France. A public outcry ensues, and “Super Mario” again plays the race card, throws one of his famous hissy fits and threatens to follow Carlos Tevez into premature retirement.

Let’s return to the present for a bit. Last week, Balotelli won some Italian newspaper’s award for being the best young player in Europe, and then said he didn’t know who second-placed Arsenal star Wilshere was.

“What’s his name? Wil… ? No, I don’t know him. But the next time I play against Arsenal I will keep a close eye on him. Perhaps I can show him the Golden Boy trophy and remind him I won it,” he actually said.

I loved Fabregas’ response, which came in the form of a Twitter reply to @Jack Wilshere.

“Don’t worry, we know who u r and that’s what matters most. U play week in week out and that’s the most important. Trust me!” he said. A nice touch, considering Balotelli is only just becoming a first team regular at City.

Rooney moves to City via Twitter

It’s 2014, and Rooney, now a World Cup winner, has a year left on that ridiculous contract he signed recently at Manchester United.

He angles for a move, this time via his Twitter account, which is, of course, managed by his agent Paul Stretford.

He tweets daily about how as a World Cup winner he needs to be at a club that can match his ambitions, i.e. one that’s owned by oil billionaires, in a campaign to get the #Rooney4City hashtag top of the trending topics list.

A 72-year-old Alex Ferguson no longer has the fight in him to keep Rooney and allows him to leave, whereupon Stretford immediately whips out his iPhone 7gss and posts a TwitPic of Rooney dancing on Fergie’s office desk along with the caption: “I’m going 2 @ManCity, Tweeps! #Rooney4City”.

Seriously, though, footballers will wield more power in the coming decade thanks to new media like Twitter. They’ll be celebrities first, athletes second, and some will be even bigger than their clubs.

Like Jamie Redknapp said recently, when his father and current Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry retired, he had two choices – go in to football management, or open a pub. Then he compared his father with Beckham who, as a celebrity and public persona, has so many options now he’s not even considering management after retiring.

In the coming decade, fans won’t have to wait for TV stations or football websites (my blog excluded) to get those post-match comments from players anymore – they’ll get it straight from the players’ Twitter accounts.

Beyond the decade
This one might sound like one of my fancy dreams, but it isn’t. Japan has promised to broadcast football matches around the world using life-sized, 3D holograms if they won their bid to host the 2022 World Cup.

But given Sepp Blatter’s disinclination to technology in football, they should’ve known better than to make that bid.

So come 2022, two years after Malaysia becomes a developed nation and four years after our joint bid with Singapore, Thailand and Indonesia to host the 2026 World Cup, the first in South-East Asia, football would become completely unrecognisable.

We’ll get to watch EPL games “live” via holograms at Bukit Jalil National Sports Complex, players will be tweeting at half-time, and there’ll be talk of a World Cup on the moon. And maybe, just maybe, Man-chester City might actually win something.