I met H two months ago when I entered university, and I have had strong feelings for her since we first met. This has never happened to me before. Is this what is called “a crush”?

Since we met, we have become very good friends. We share many common interests and I enjoy every moment with her. H even regards me as her “brother”.

How do I know if H is the “right one”? What are the signs that show H is interested in having a relationship with me?

Most importantly, how do I know if H has someone else in her mind already?
H will be away for three months and she will only return to university in January; she will be graduating in June. Thus, time is not really on my side. How can I make my intentions known without rushing into things? I fear that going into a relationship too early will jeopardise our friendship.

Another thing I have noticed is that H is not particularly appreciative of anything that I do for her. Is H shy? Or is H just not impressed? — The Apprentice

Don’t dwell

All these questions are tangled up in your head, making the situation more tense than it is. Take a deep breath and look at what you’re asking. Ultimately, the only way you’ll know these answers is if you ask H.

Before you talk to her, know that relationships either work or don’t. Fully realising this fact will help calm you by keeping your expectations in check. It’s great if she wants the same thing you do. But if it doesn’t work out, don’t dwell on it.

If you’re both good friends, then setting aside time to talk about how you feel will be easy. It’s expressing what’s inside that’s tricky, especially when your feelings are strong and uncontrollable. However, it’s as simple as just putting it out there. You’ll see that once you speak from the heart, the words will come out naturally. It doesn’t matter if it’s smooth or awkward, just tell her how you feel.

She’ll naturally tell her side of the story, too. If she’s interested, then talk about what you both want. If she needs to think about it, give her time and let her digest what you’ve said.

If she doesn’t feel the same way, it’s all right. Learn that not all crushes turn into relationships. Try to remain friends. If the friendship is genuine, then it will last. It might feel strange, but think of what you’re keeping – someone that you can trust and depend on. Those are rare traits, so it’s better to stay friends than not. — Rusyan

Create memories

It seems like a busy time for H, what with her impending move and graduation. Being cautious is the sensible thing to do, as you don’t want to risk catching her at a time when she is too busy for a relationship or wishes to focus on her career first. And yet as you point out correctly, if you don’t make the first move, you might miss your chance with H entirely.

Think deeply about what you know about H, and what sort of approach you believe she would react best to. It might be a good idea to try and spend more time with her before she leaves in January. This way, you can gauge her sentiments better while giving her a small signal that you are interested.

Do little things for her without worrying about impressing her, such as helping her pack or going shopping together for things she will need during her travels. Do fun, exciting things that will create wonderful memories for the both of you.

As your January and June deadlines loom ahead, at some point you will have to go with your gut and make a decision about what to do. At that time you will want to be sure you know her short term and long term goals for herself, and how you might fit into those goals. You can only achieve this by having heart-to-heart talks, so try your best to connect with her on a deeper level.

If the time is not right, you could wait – but you will be waiting knowing that your pursuit of her has brought you that much closer as friends who get each other. — Su Ann