If we ever needed any more proof that Wayne Rooney isn’t the smartest ogre in Manchester, then his maniacal goal celebration in the Champions League last week would finally put the issue to bed.

So having been caught cheating on his wife with chavy X-Factor reject-type prostitutes, played the worst he’s ever done in his career, and used some highly questionable methods to force a raise from a club and manager that’s only ever been loyal to him, he scores a PENALTY – only his second goal since March, the other also a penalty – and it’s a cue to celebrate like he just won Wipeout.

That sort of knee-sliding, windmill arm-swinging should be reserved for like a title-winning goal, maybe some goal of the season contender, or at least a shot that knocks that silly ski-cap off Roberto Mancini’s bloated head; not a boring penalty in an inconsequential Champions League group match against the most unglamorous of opposition – Glasgow Rangers.

The many faces of Repentant Rooney - #1

But football is such that if Rooney celebrated with an “it’s-just-a-penalty-against-the-Scottish-champions” shrug, then the media would have had a field day.

They’d probably say that Rooney had lost his passion for United and is really on his way to Manchester City. By the way, there actually have been rumours that he only signed a new contract so United could sell him for a proper price in the summer.

I get it that he HAS to show some passion, but as a Manchester United fan watching that celebration, it felt like he was just taking the mickey out of us supporters. It felt about as believable as what goes on in that annoying (yet sadly addictive) Bill & Giuliana show.

The many faces of Repentant Rooney - #2, with accompanying image of equally over-excited, naive United fan.

Does he really expect us to believe that he was THAT happy to have scored a penalty, against Rangers (no offence, Rangers fans, but you aren’t exactly the old enemy)? Does he really think that the goal was that big a deal compared to all the other crucial goals he’s scored in his career? Was the Italian dinner that Giuliana cooked for Bill’s friends really going to taste bad and embarrass Bill? Of course not!

My guess is Rooney had already decided beforehand to celebrate his first goal back in the team like a lunatic, just to make sure he sends out the right PR message. He probably even rehearsed it at home while baby Kai looked on thinking “what the…” and his agent/marionette Paul Stretford stood by barking suggestions on which turf slide best personifies repentance.

The many faces of Repentant Rooney - #3

Teddy Sheringham once said that his teammate and fellow United legend Ole Gunnar Solskjaer celebrated certain goals he scored in muted fashion because as a goalscorer, there were certain “easy” chances that he’d feel he should’ve scored anyway, or that he could have finished them off even better, so being a classy guy, he doesn’t go all mental over them.

Incidentally, the only time I remember good ol Ole’ doing a knee-slide ala Repentant Rooney was when he won us the Treble.

And that makes sense to me. There’s no point celebrating a goal that is meaningless. And it’s definitely stupid celebrating some fluke goal like you’ve just scored a Lionel Messi special.

Like Dimitar Berbatov, he was just smiling sheepishly by the time he got his fourth goal against Blackburn over the weekend, and he ended up with five. Sorry, I just had to bring that up =P

The many faces of Repentant Rooney - #4. We have a lot more of these, but I think you get the point.

So either Rooney really thought scoring a second penalty in eight months of professional football was an incredibly meaningful milestone worth telling his grandchildren about, or, like I said – he’s just making sure he sends out the right PR message.

To be honest, I’m fine with it either way. I do feel a bit like he’s treating us supporters like idiots, and all that OTT celebrating would convince us that he’s committed to United; but I guess he doesn’t have much of a choice either.

Top footballers and managers these days have to live with that kind of scrutiny, where every wink and nudge in the public eye speaks a thousand words (for example this article, though it’s only speaking 721 words) that the players themselves probably wouldn’t even have been able to articulate if they wanted to. Which is probably why Roberto Mancini insists on wearing only official Man City knitwear, no matter how ridiculous it looks.