By ELIZABETH LIEW

I was raised in a cookie cutter world. I did things – physically, emotionally and intellectually – I was supposed to do at my age.

Most of my friends and people I grew up with also went down the same path. Those who didn’t were considered underachievers, or outcasts.

So, by 22, most of us had graduated from university, were going into the workforce and still living at home with our parents. Now, at 28, most of my friends are doing well in life, either climbing the corporate ladder or enjoying motherhood.

Some are married and living with their partners and children, while others are living with their parents or alone in the city. However, what I realised was that none of us had gone beyond the norm. We did what we thought we’d always do – we conformed.

Does that mean we’re “better” adults than those who didn’t choose to go down the well-trodden path? Meet Rowan, a 22-year-old duty manager of a restaurant in Christchurch, New Zealand, where I work.

Calm and cool, she manages the 60-table restaurant and 10 odd staff alone. Back in Malaysia, she would probably be considered “academically challenged”.

There’s also Nicole, a 20-year-old dishwasher in the same restaurant. She is a gorgeous black-haired girl with deep set eyes, a Kiwi version of Katy Perry. Wearing skin tight black jeans with a tank top, and heavy eye makeup, she makes washing the dishes seem like the easiest job around. What really amazed me is that she is so passionate about her job.

“Yeah! I’m the star here!” she said when we told her she was the best “dishie” among all the dishwashers.

Brendan is a 38-year-old accounts manager who has travelled to 70 countries since 1996 and worked a wide range of jobs, from auditing and accounting at top notch firms in London, to teaching English and IT in Cambodia. He has rented a comfortable room, bought a NZ$500 (RM1,234) wagon car and sets time to Skype with his girlfriend every day. He lives mostly on baked beans and toast, and is not keen on the white picket fence life in New Zealand.

My housemates here are between 19 and 24 years old, and they look and act beyond their years. These girls are intelligent, mature and go to work according to their rosters.

Despite a heavy night, they still drag themselves out of bed and show up at work. That shows maturity – they are responsible enough to think of others and the consequences of their actions.

So, why then do many Malaysian parents think they’ve done such a good job with their cookie-cutter children? Why do they think they’ve raised children who are obedient, filial (“she gives me pocket money every month”), responsible (“because he always drives me to the market”), respectful (“my son greets each and every elderly relative during Chinese New Year”), but lose sight of the bigger picture?

Are those really the only qualities that we regard as important? Are those the qualities that make a person “good”?

Over the years, I have listened and endured many painfully boring conversations with boastful parents. It often starts with the top-notch universities their children go to, the oh-so-glamourous jobs their sons have in the corporate sectors and the fat pay cheques and bonuses that come with it, and the VIPs and big guns their children rub shoulders with.

Elizabeth Liew discussing tactics on the coconut lawn bowling with friends in Semporna, Sabah.

But not once have I heard parents talk about the lack of humility and responsibility among young Malaysians. I don’t remember anyone talking about their children not knowing how to pull the gunk out from the sink. I don’t remember any parent telling me they encourage their children to volunteer in Africa or Nepal, or even in Malaysia so they could taste hardship.

Most Malaysian parents are too quick to judge that stepping out of the norm is dangerous and “bad” for their reputation and image. But, I think parents ought to rethink, and encourage their children to gain different kinds of experiences and lessons as early on in life as possible, so they learn qualities like humility, compassion and empathy.

It is time that we stop raising materialistic, narrow-minded cookie cut children. I graduated with a degree in Mass Communications, and thought I’d be a journalist. But that plan gave way to my passion for the environment, and eventually I pursued what I’ve always wanted to do in life – Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR).

I believe that religion doesn’t make you a good person, but morals do. I believe in taking risks and chances, and experiencing life, rather than accumulating wealth. I stand firmly for women’s rights in the workplace and relationships, and thank the feminists in the past for fighting so hard for a future that women today enjoy.

I quit my job earlier this year to embark on a self-discovery journey that began with a two-month voluntary teaching stint with the Humana Borneo Child Aid Society in Semporna, Sabah. The experience that I gained in those two months has made me a stronger and more tolerant person.

In July, I arrived in New Zealand on a six-month working holiday visa, and I have since taken various jobs – office work, waitressing, cleaning in a hostel and managing a restaurant. In time, I’ll come back to Malaysia and continue working on CSR projects. Hopefully, I will be all the wiser for taking that time off to experience life a little.

Elizabeth enjoys writing and blogs at chroniclesofmadlove.wordpress.com where she shares her travel experiences and discusses various issues.