I AM 17, and will be sitting for my SPM this year. Two years ago, I met a friend, P, during a competition. P is three years younger than me, she was only 12 when I met her.

She lives in another town, but we kept in touch and got to know each other better through Facebook.

You can never be mad with P. She is funny, and always cracks jokes. When I am feeling down, she would be the one who cheers me up. As time went by, I found myself falling for her.

In January, I gathered my courage and confessed my love to her. But my world was torn apart when she rejected me. She said that she didn’t feel the same way about me. She told me she used to have a crush on me when we first met, but that feeling faded away as we grew up.

I didn’t want to let go, and tried to woo her but to no avail. A lot of my friends had advised me to just quit and move on, but it’s so hard for me. I love her so much, but she doesn’t feel the same way towards me. I am disappointed, and heartbroken. I don’t want this to affect my studies, but my world doesn’t feel the same without her.

What am I going to do? – Feeling Alone

Rusyan

The hard truth about feelings is that sometimes, two people don’t feel the same way. It’s difficult to assess because in some situations, you think everything is moving towards the direction you want it to be. On the other hand, the other person involved just wants friendship.

Feelings also evolve as people progress in life. There are many factors – it’s about how much two people put in their relationship that counts the most because this results in a strong bond.

But sometimes, one person experiences things that lead them to think otherwise – perhaps they cannot find what they’re looking for in a present relationship.

Despite your good intentions and what you want with P, you have to know your limits. Try explaining your self to her, but if she’s clear about her feelings and how they’ve changed, you have to let go.

The challenge is to not dwell. Sadness is natural but look around for what you have instead of what you don’t. You cannot limit yourself to how sad you are because there are a number of positive things in your life: Friends, hobbies, goals, and future plans.

Concentrate on these things and in time you heal. There will also be a time when you meet someone that feels the same. Think positive, and you’ll be able to get through this.

Su Ann

The first step to moving on comes with making peace with the fact that you can appreciate and treasure P absolutely for who she is as a person.

It is difficult to meet someone like P and not be able to exclusively make them ours. But there will always be wonderful people who enter our lives and make it all the more brighter – and they can’t all be our girlfriends or boyfriends. Yet, we’ve already won a very big battle because we’ve successfully made them our friends, are they are already sharing something special with us ust by being our friend.

You are fortunate to share such a close friendship with P, and that is something that should not be given up so easily. Don’t discount her uniqueness by treating it as something you can accept only if she were your girlfriend.

If you truly love her as a person, fight for the independence of your friendship with her. Rekindle the friendship and treat her (and yourself!) respectfully – by still being there as a friend for her despite this hiccup.

Your world shouldn’t feel different without her – you haven’t quite lost her yet! Don’t let an unwillingness to compromise get in the way of your happiness.