I’M 17, and I discovered that I was attracted to guys when I was about 12. I haven’t told anybody about it yet.

As for sexual experience, I’ve had encounters with a boy in secondary school but we didn’t go beyond touching each other.

I know it’s a terrible sin though many people try to say it’s not. I’ve prayed about this a lot and I’ve resolved to stop being attracted to guys but I just can’t seem to stop.

Please help me to put an end to this, because I don’t want to go to hell. – ED

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Of all the ambiguities in your situation, there is one certainty, and that is the fact that you cannot change your sexuality. The sexuality you were born with is as natural and innate as any other part of you is, and trying to alter that is like willing yourself to naturally grow a different hair colour.

We may be able to repress our sexual orientation with our strongest will, but even so, nothing has changed except you are keeping it hidden.

In your case, your struggle is one that is encountered through your religion. Many religions and their interpretations today deem homosexuality wrong and sinful, with grave punishments in the after life.

The only real way for you to reconcile them is to re-examine everything that you think you know religion says about homosexuality, and to educate yourself on everything else that you don’t. Read your religious texts, scripture and history thoughtfully.

Speak to religious elders with a balanced point of view and education, not just those who will only show you one path and force you down what they think is right.

Reflect on what you are learning and think about what you believe applies to your sensibilities.

It is only with such critical examination that you will be equipped to make further decisions about your religion and sexuality, and what your next steps should be.

Ultimately, your religious convictions and who you choose to love are your decisions. Whichever decision you make, be sure that it is well-informed and that you are at peace with it.

There’s little point in leading a religious but hypocritical existence, or finding freedom in your sexuality but being trapped in your guilt. – Su Ann

Be kind to yourself

Figuring out one’s identity is one of the most difficult journeys we can take. It’s even harder if you think your feelings are sinful, or if you’re facing this all alone.

It may take awhile before you find the answers you are looking for. Along the way you’ll discover things about yourself that can help bring about some peace of mind.

It’s really important to be patient with yourself. Seek friends that you could confide in; keeping your pain inside won’t help.

The immense pressure and guilt you put on yourself is making your life difficult. Be patient and kind to yourself, whatever your sexual orientation is.

Instead of praying as a sinner, perhaps you could try positive prayers, such as asking for the strength to endure through the difficult times, or seeing the goodness in you.

Your preoccupation about your sexual orientation can be so consuming you feel negative towards your entire self.

Look for and build upon the positive aspects of your personality. For example, strive to be a good friend, or explore your talents. You’ll begin to see that your sexual orientation does not define all of you, and that it doesn’t make me you a bad person. – Rusyan