My post last week on the English Premier League’s most horrific football injuries was a bit much for some people to handle.
So this week, I thought I’d take it easy on everyone and write about something more light-hearted, or at least something that’s easier to stomach.
Blackburn Rovers manager Sam Allardyce pretty much wrote this one for me with a hilarious quote last week on him being more than capable of managing one of Europe’s elite clubs.
For all the bland and sometimes painful football (painfully boring, that is) his teams play, Big Sam really knows how to entertain with his comments.
“I’m not suited to Bolton or Blackburn. I would be more suited to Inter Milan or Real Madrid. It wouldn’t be a problem for me to manage those clubs because I would win the double or the league every time,” he said, to a collective chorus of LOLs throughout the football world.
That’s because this is the same guy who, when given his first shot at managing a “big” club in Newcastle United, lasted all of seven months.
Big Sam had everyone laughing with his recent quotes, but it was AT him, not WITH him.
Not surprisingly, he came out recently insisting his comments were “tongue-in-cheek”. He said: “I was a bit mischievous as always. I tend to get a bit like that rather than the same old conversations in the media week in and week out.”
Isn’t it amazing how he managed to heap more praise on himself even as he explained how “not-arrogant” he was? It was like he was saying: I’m not arrogant, I’m just more entertaining than the rest of the managers who keep feeding the same old crap to the media.
The problem with him is if any other manager had said something like that, we’d automatically assume it was a joke. But Allardyce has done so much deluded self-promotion in the past that everybody in football knows, even better than himself, that he at least half-believed himself.
To be fair, he has worked miracles in the past with Bolton and has now built another solid team with Blackburn, but maybe he should just stick to doing what he does best instead of talking about it.
But in the spirit of his oh-so-funny comments, I’ve decided to list some of the funniest quotes we’ve had from football managers.
It’s hard to find the true origins of some of these gaffes because they’re attributed to so many different people, especially poor ol’ Sir Bobby Robson, but if you spot any mistakes and can confirm exactly who came up with some of these gems, let us know.
Kevin Keegan
KEVIN KEEGAN: King Kev thinks goalkeepers are only born in their late twenties of thirties.
> “The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they’re not careful.”
> “Goalkeepers aren’t born today until they’re in their late twenties or thirties.”
> “There’s a slight doubt about only one player, and that’s Tony Adams, who won’t be playing tomorrow”
Alex Ferguson
ALEX FERGUSON: Thinks all young players are 18, like David Beckham.
> “Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I’m not going to single him out.”
> “The lads ran their socks into the ground.”
> “As with every young player, he’s only 18,” said Fergie of a young David Beckham.
Terry Venables
“If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the same thing again.”
Peter Reid
“And we all know that in football if you stand still you go backwards.”
Bryan Robson
“If we played like this every week, we wouldn’t be so inconsistent”
BRYAN ROBSON: Trying to explain to some Thai dude what he thinks the word "inconsistent" really means.
Ron Atkinson
“Johnson has revelled in the ‘hole’ behind Dwight Yorke.” – Surely Ron could’ve found a better way to describe the second striker’s position…
Would you enjoy playing in the 'hole' behind Dwight Yorke?
Ron Greenwood
“Glenn Hoddle hasn’t been the Hoddle we know. Neither has Bryan Robson.”
Joe Royle
“I don’t blame individuals, I blame myself.” Come on now, don’t be so hard on yourself … I think you’re an individual.
Glenn Hoddle
“The minute’s silence was immaculate, I have never heard a minute’s silence like that.” No one has, Glenn.
Joe Kinnear
“I can count on the fingers of one hand 10 games where we’ve caused our own downfall.” Good god, Joe, how many fingers do you have?
Sir Bobby Robson
And finally, we have one whole section dedicated to the former England, Barcelona and Newcastle manager. He was a fantastic manager and one of the most well-loved football personalities, but he had a habit of saying some odd things…
> “We didn’t underestimate them, but they were a lot better than we thought.” – Said during the 1990 World Cup when England sneaked past Cameroon.
> “He’s very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him.” Not even himself, I suppose…
> “The first 90 minutes are the most important.” Okay, fair enough, there’s stoppage time as well. I guess those few minutes aren’t important.
> “I would have given my right arm to be a pianist.”
> “I do want to play the short ball and I do want to play the long ball. I think long and short balls is what football is all about.”
> “We can’t replace Gary Speed. Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?”
> “I’ve had to come out of the dressing room because I don’t want to get too excited.”
> “If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won’t lay any eggs in the basket.”
> Sir Bobby to Bryan Robson: “Good morning, Bobby.”
Bryan: You’re Bobby, I’m Bryan!
This one isn’t a direct quote from Sir Bobby, but it’s hilarious nontheless, if you know your Newcastle United footballers…
Reporter to Newcastle’s Shola Ameobi: ‘Do you have a nickname?’
Ameobi: No, not really
Reporter: What do the lads call you?
Ameobi: Shola
Reporter: So what does Bobby Robson call you?
Ameobi: Carl Cort.
One of these Newcastle players is Carl Cort and the other is Shola Ameobi. Can you spot the difference? Their former manager Bobby Robson couldn't...
*********************
Remember any other LOL-tastic quotes from football managers? Leave us a comment! =)
Tell us what you think!