ONE of my favourite Placebo songs is Protege Moi which means “protect me” in French .

There are a few lines in it that I like that are loosely translated to: “Protect me from what I want” and “it’s the disease of the age, it’s the disease that we crave”.

I have always wanted to be thin, more than anything else. I think I wanted to be thin more than Cinderella’s stepsisters wanting their feet to fit the glass slipper; more than Peter Pan wanting to never grow up; and more than the Cookie Monster craving for cookies.

Obsession, as they say, knows no bounds, and I held on to my obsession for losing weight so tightly.

Little did I know that the “disease” was controlling me; I was a slave to perfection (or at least, my perception of what “perfect” was). I was willing to take up new vices – anything to help me reach my goal.

What about cigarettes? Can those help me attain my goal? I was not a smoker but heard from some smoker friends and read online that smoking curbs appetites. It also causes lung cancer but if I will be less hungry, then pass me a box of cigarettes.

Make that two to double the effect.

I also thought of alcohol consumption. I do not know much about it but I hear that drinking too much is said to cause one to regurgitate all of his/her’s insides.

But then is also causes one to feel horrible the next day, leading to the feeling that is described as a “hangover” and the effects are that of a “churning stomach” and the “inability to eat due to loss of appetite.”

Hmm, I thought to myself, “Let’s do it!” I experimented and played drinking games, but that just got me more sick.

Then, I listened to Placebo.

While listening to the lyrics of Protege Moi I had a revelation. I was inspired. Hit by lightning that struck me for the better – I wanted to save myself and I wanted to do it for and by myself.

I stopped all the obsessions. I finally felt like I did not need other people to push me to take care of myself or even to suggest how I do it. Any help was appreciated but it all came down to me, making the final decision.

I was fueled by the powerful lyrics in Protege Moi to take care of the only machine I have been given by this wonderful universe. Through the lyrics, I was able to put my foot down against negative images that were lingering in my mind.

I knew that what I wanted may not necessarily be good for me. So, I decided to take back what was mine.

I was, and am still amazed at how a line of words from a song has helped me to know that I should love myself first before others and to make good choices in my actions as well as thoughts.

A picture may paint a thousand words, but I say that certain words can make a million changes, and even save a life.

* Catch Holly on MTV Asia (Astro channel 713).