After the confession, she did not reject me outright nor reciprocated my feelings for her. She just asked me not to waste more time on her as she was not ready for a relationship as she had just broken up with her boyfriend. I understood that the time was not right and I should give her more time.

The question that comes to my mind is if she is putting me off because she is not ready for a new relationship or she just does not love me.

It confuses me. Should I wait for her or should I give up? She says that she has promised herself not to be in a relationship with anyone while she is in college, and she has another four years to go.

In the past two months she had rejected three guys including her ex-boyfriend.

I wonder if I am the fourth one.

Things are like it used to be with us; we still laugh and joke together, and talk over the telephone. This is why I am reluctant to give up hope, even though she has asked me to.

Is she trying to maintain our friendship, or is she trying not to hurt me by rejecting me outright. I don’t know. I really don’t know. Is it a matter of timing or feeling? Should I continue to wait for her or look elsewhere?

She really is a nice girl and I do not want to lose her … but at the same time, I understand that she is not prepared to accept a new relationship. ­- Confused guy

Moving on

Very often when we find ourselves in a position of unrequited love, we believe that our options are just two: wait for the girl or forget her. However, these options are really quite extreme, and in the real world, don’t always yield us the result that we think they will.

The romantic dilemma of waiting for the girl can be quite tempting, because after all, the persistent hero always gets the girl, right? But there is really very little in this world that we can control perfectly, and it is risky to make decisions today based entirely on information you will only know tomorrow.

So much can happen in four years, including either of you falling in love with other people. That is a lot of time spent pining for someone who never gave you a clear signal to begin with, only to not end up with her at the end!

If one more conversation with her does not yield you any clearer insight, then you should remember that M’s feelings are one of those things that you cannot control, and then move on from her.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you should “forget” her or wipe her out from your life. It can be difficult to be platonic friends with someone you have strong feelings for, but many times such emotions prevent us from realising that having a loved one as a friend is better than not having them in our life at all.

Don’t let this dictate how you spend your life for the next four years. M’s signals are vague but they are not pointing towards a yes – that should be as strong a sign as any to move on. If we spend all our time waiting for things, we’ll never move anywhere. – Su Ann

Be friends

What makes situations confusing is a lack of clarity, a sense of you not knowing what she wants. M is doing you a favour when she says she’s not ready for a relationship. So don’t wallow in maybes, ifs, or what-ifs. You’re confusing yourself with questions that don’t need to be answered. You’re spending tremendous energy creating scenarios in your head, when you can focus on what you know, and what you can do with what you have.

It’s meaningful for you both to carry on being friends – hanging out, talking, joking with each other. Carry on this way. Discipline your feelings by enjoying what you have, not what you don’t. Here’s your challenge: to learn to look outside of your feelings. Take a look at how much energy you’re putting into changing M’s mind, when you already know what she wants. Instead of going down that road, look into doing other things – your hobbies, your friends.

Ask yourself: what makes you happy, other than a relationship? Once you know this, feeling sad becomes a choice. And going through hard times can be the perfect time to start fresh and start new memories. – Rusyan