I am 21 and I fell in love with a guy who is 43 years old. He was the one who chased after me and kept asking me to go out with him.

Initially I refused because I am a shy girl. After getting many calls from him I decided to just give him a chance.

However, after we went on our date, he began to avoid me. He even rejected my love saying that I’m “dark” and not rich.

Later on, he gave my phone number to his new girlfriend. She called me up to tease me and then passed the phone over to a few guys who kept disturbing me until I couldn’t stand it.

And then, the guy’s sister also started calling and scolding me for no reason at all. She said something to me which hurt me badly and I have no idea why she did it. Still, I apologised for whatever it was she thought I did even though she was very rude to me.

A few days later I found out from a student of his that he had been saying bad things about me to everyone! I was shocked. Is it so wrong to fall in love with an older man? — Brokenheart Girl

Rusyan

Remember this episode as one that redefines what love means. You gave it a try, but what happened wasn’t and should never be referred to as “love”. That’s a powerful feeling that goes both ways. It isn’t love if your partner insults you.

You’ve been treated badly not because he’s an older man, but because he isn’t a good person. This looks like a twisted game of manipulation. You shouldn’t apologise to those people because you did nothing wrong.

Save the numbers of the people who bother you and avoid their calls. If it gets worse, change phone numbers or file a police report for harassment.
It’s difficult when your private life becomes sensationalised in public, but you’ve got to be strong. What people are saying isn’t the truth so look at this as a test of your patience and strength in difficult times.

This is also a time to be with your friends and people who you really trust. Surround yourself with good people and you’ll be able to withstand the storm. Lean on them for support. Build memories of how supportive and strong friendships can be during tough times.

Su Ann

While a large age gap certainly presents complications, do not allow the age difference to be the defining characteristic of the relationship. It is not wrong to fall in love with an older person as long as the relationship functions well and is built on mutual respect, kindness and chemistry.

In your case, the older man doesn’t seem very kind or respectful. His comments on your skin colour and your finances are superficial and undeserved – you do not have to put up with that from anyone, especially someone you are in a relationship with.

You also do not have to accept any heckling from his sister, new girlfriend and her friends. The next time they call you again, tell them you will report them to the police with all the information you have, and then hang up.

If they bother you even more, lodge a police report or even an official complaint at the school where he teaches. This guy seems like he was bad news from the beginning.

Don’t let men pressure you into dating them. Only disrespectful or immature people cannot back off when refused, and you can see that to be true through his puerile and invasive actions after you agreed to date him.

Compartmentalise this guy and his cohort away from your life and move on. Don’t worry too much about his bad-mouthing you – it reflects badly on him as an adult and certainly his students can see that.

He is not worth your time and emotions. Think of the time you spent with him as sunk cost, and a lesson towards evaluating who you can trust in the future.