By SHARMILA NAIR

alltherage@thestar.com.my

REVA Das didn’t quite get her new classmates’ liking for the scent ‘Mary Jane’. It was too sickly sweet and smells like sweat, and it lingered on even after her classmates walked away.

“I had asked someone about the smell and they referred to it as ‘Mary Jane’. Being naive, I assumed that it was an awful smelling perfume,” said the 18-year-old, who was literally fresh off the boat at her school in Wisconsin, US, where she did her Year 12 (equivalent to sixth form here) there last year.

She eventually found out ‘Mary Jane’ is actually one of the many slangs for marijuana – the drug of choice among some of her classmates, apparently.

“I was surprised that students turned up in class smelling of marijuana, and sometimes even high on it as if it was a normal thing to do. I don’t think any of the teachers even acknowledged the smell. As long as the students weren’t being disruptive, I don’t think they had a valid reason to send them out of class.”

After her initial shock, Reva too got used to sitting next to classmates reeking of marijuana.

Her experience is typical of many students studying abroad. Reva found out quickly what is acceptable and tolerated in the US differs from what she had learnt at home.

One of the biggest concerns of parents sending their impressionable children abroad for studies is how they’d behave in a more permissive environment.

The recent uproar over top student Nur Amalina Che Bakri’s supposed ‘degeneration’ underscored parents’ anxieties about our youths susceptiblity towards negative influences abroad. They were reacting to photographs of the 23-year-old student in leggings and dyed-hair circulated online.

Many Malaysians expressed their shock over Nur Amalina’s transformation from the demure girl in a tudung and baju kurung they remember seeing in photographs and events after she emerged as the nation’s top scorer in Sijil Pelajaran Menengah (SPM) in 2004.

Blogs and other social media sites were abuzz with claims that Amalina had forgotten her Muslim roots and branded her a girl with loose moral character. They also claimed that she had dropped out of her fully-sponsored course at the University of Edinburgh, UK.

However, Nur Amalina’s mother defended her daughter and firmly asserted that all the allegations against her were malicious and untrue.

Despite all that hysteria and finger-pointing at teenagers gone wild abroad, our students mostly come home do what they were supposed to do – study, graduate and come home with their degrees.

While it’s easy to accuse all teenagers of ‘going wild’ the moment they leave the country, the truth is that it only applies to some.

The general perception is also that teenagers would live it up when they move away from their families and are free from their parents’ supervision.

But there are many young people who are actually level-headed, independent and know what their priorities are.

Civil engineering student Bazil Zainal, 19, studied in Singapore, where the night life is vibrant.

“Singapore is a big city, and temptations are everywhere in many forms. There are many clubs here and they have their regular Ladies’ Nights, Mambo Nights and what not happening almost every week. It’s easy to get distracted,” said Civil Engineering student Bazil Zainal, 19.

Bazil

Before he left to pursue his studies in Singapore, Bazil’s parents had advised him to never forget his roots and to always set his priorities right.

“I do party occasionaly but most of my days are spent studying or skating,” he said.

Although Bazil may not be much of a party animal, he is however not to be mistaken for a wet blanket. He still does go out with his friends, even if he is most often the designated driver.

Most of his friends smoke and drink, but Bazil has not been tempted to join them. “They sometimes try to get me to smoke a cigarette. I hate smoking and I have never tried, or will ever try, a cigarette. I just tell them no, and they respect my decision,” he said.

Reva also tries the same approach with her friends when they pester her to try something that she’s not comfortable with.

“I’ve never been exposed to a lot of the things that my friends in the US were doing, but they didn’t judge me for not engaging in the same activities they did. They respected my decision and didn’t force me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable doing.”

As for her drug-using classmates, Reva didn’t hang out with them after school so she was not tempted to try smoking a joint.

These sensible students feel that it is unfair to assume that all young people who live away from their parents are unable to practise self-restraint.

Seventeen-year-old Ting Li Hui who lives above a local pub in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam said that her time is not spent drinking cheap beer and getting wasted.

“I am always busy finishing up some assignments or catching up with my studies. If I don’t feel likestudying, I would play basketball, tennis or even go for a jog.”

Even though there is no age restrictions to buying or drinking alcohol in Vietnam, Li Hui doesn’t take advantage of the law, or lack thereof.

“I do drink alcohol but not excessively and I only do it once in a while. Most of the time, I drink with my parents. We are very open about it. We drink and have a little fun but we know our limits. I feel like my parents give me the trust that I earn from them.”

Li Hui said that a student’s workload is pretty stressful which makes letting go and forgetting about everything more tempting.

Li Hui (second from left) does party with her friends.

However, she also said that it is unfair to make assumptions on a student’s lifestyle based on the photographs people see online or stories they hear about.

“(As for Nur Amalina’s story), I feel that Malaysians are over reacting to this. If students are ‘bright’, they should also be ‘bright’ enough to make smart decisions whether they are home or studying abroad. No arguments there.”

Li Hui admitted that she does party occasionally with her friends although she doesn’t find such scenes appealing.

“I don’t like loud and noisy music and the overcrowded atmosphere. People would be drenched in disgusting sweat and all I’d be thinking is ‘Don’t touch me!’.” she said.

While most students would rather keep such activities a secret from their parents, Li Hui, Bazil and Reva believe that it’s all right to let their parents in on some things.

“I tell my parents if I’m going clubbing and staying out late with friends because I know my parents would allow it. They want me to experience life in every possible way,” said Li Hui.

However, she doesn’t abuse her parents’ trust in her.

“They know that I know the limits and boundaries set for me. I love coming home and telling them about the interesting things that happened to me while I was away. I feel like I could be open with them and that makes everything less complicated. No secrets or sneaking around,” she said.

Bazil also updates his parents because he feels that it’s the right thing to do. “There’s nothing wrong with telling your parents where you have been. As long as you party responsibly and know what you’re doing, you’re fine,” he said.