So, I got an e-mail from Adidas, asking me if I wanted to be part of a show.

“A show?” I thought to myself. Yeah, sure. I’ve been on television and the radio … and, like, practically every school play while growing up! I was the wheel of the car in Greased Lightning – my teacher assured me that it was an important part of the recital. Being the third wheel never felt so good.

Back to Adidas. When I heard that they were doing a fashion show, I dived in (right arm first, followed by the left and then my head and shoulders, till the rest of me was submerged) and I found myself, well, being part of a fashion show.

I know, right? What was I thinking? Me? The girl with premature cellulite and athletic calves? Participating in a fashion show, alongside models whose thighs were about the size of my arms.

I was not sure if I felt insecure or just not hungry. I guess I felt a bit of both, and a little (just a tiny bit) cranky.

Okay, very cranky!

I went home and analysed every part of my body in detail. I felt like I was the hamster who stole all the other hamsters’ sunflower seeds! Or the whale who ate Noah. But I exaggerate a little.

Working it...

I looked back at my blog posts on weight and body image, as well as my past struggles with anorexia and bulimia, and realised that I am not supposed to look like a model. I am not a model. Well, I could be, if I wanted to. I can be anything I want basically, but I am Holly Grabarek and I work for MTV Asia and I plan on being a normal, fully functional human being.

So, that is where my confidence came into play. I gave myself a hug and a high five. I went to the fashion show for hair styling and makeup, and met wonderful personalities like model-actress Carmen Soo. Hanging out backstage with her was a pleasure.

I walked the runway with the lead vocalist of Indonesian band Alexa, Aqi. I am a big fan of Alexa so that was a pretty cool experience.

I hope I rocked the Adidas Neo show. I opened the segment; I was the first one to walk out on to the runway. The music was fast, and my heart was pounding fast.

“Walk, Holly, walk!”

The energy was enigmatic. It was like being high from having too many candy bars. Everything went by so fast. In fact, way too fast. Did I smile enough? Was I standing straight? More importantly, did I look good in Adidas?

I watched all the other talents do what they do and felt so happy to be a part of it all. I especially loved the Jeremy Scott for Adidas collection. I want everything!

Well, till my next adventure, folks. In the meantime, do check out my blog (mtvasia.com/hollysdiary) for my take on eating disorders and distorted body image.

– Holly Grabarek